Superlatives

Do you remember in camp or elementary school when they gave out awards at the end of the season - things like "Best Athlete," "Smartest," "Best Smile," "Most Friendly"? I guess my (loser) streak continues. See, for the 7 years I was at Camp Shalom, I held the longest running title of "J.A.P." (JAP = Jewish American Princess for all the Goys who don't know). Stupid me, I thought this was a compliment, meaning that I was pretty, had good leadership skills and that all the boys wanted to kiss me. Oh no, it was only after leaving Camp Shalom that someone finally told me that being a J.A.P. was a title worse than death. No wonder I never got a date to the Shabbat Dances (with the exception of Noah Abraham, who dressed up as Superman to the non-costume Dance. For the record, I guess I really was a JAP because I dumped him even before we got in the door).

Flash forward 20 years later. I'd like to think that I've outgrown my JAP title. But those damn superlatives keep rearing their head. On Facebook, they have an application where your friends vote for people that are "hottest," "smartest," "most desirable," "best hair," "most outgoing," "best to work with," "nicest smelling." Here's what I was voted:
What the f? Most reliable? Most useful? What the hell is that? Can't I even get a nicest smelling? Even JAP seems better than this.

I do, however, want to give a special mention to Jason who was voted:
So, even if I can't win them all, I still feel like the luckiest women on earth- my husband was voted "Best father" and "Most desired for marriage." So take that, all those losers who voted me as "Most Useful." I win.