My buddy

Frogs Make Me Tinkle

Like every new parent, Jason and I were so excited to give Tanner his first bath in the froggie tub.  We had visions of cooing and splashing, much like us when we hit the beach.  Oh hell no.  It was more like Chinese water torture.  Coos and splashes turned into blood curling crying and pissing. Yup, Tanner tinkled not once, but twice on Jason during the process.  And it wasn't while he was in the bath.  Both times was when he was holding him.  Here's the aftermath and some more pics, including a tushy one (as requested by Poppy)

I also want to clarify a few things from my last post after getting emails congratulating us as if we really had a set schedule. The last post was an example.  A snipit of one evening.  What I left out is that no day is exactly the same (except for the number of bottle feedings and diaper changes).  I also left out Tanner's newest way to spend 8-10pm - screaming, crying, beating his fists and turning beat red from the inconsolable and non-stop tantrums.  I'm not calling it the "C" word yet (moms will know the dreaded "C" word), but it may be close.  He's not a happy camper and there's nothing we can do to make it better (other than drink hard liquor).

Personally, I think that Happiest Baby crap by Dr. Karp is a load of sh*t.  We read the book and watched the video of Dr. Karp magically consoling babies with one of his 5 "S's (swaddling, shushing, side/stomach, swinging, sucking).  What I realized after having my own newborn, trying the techniques and re-watching the video is that the cut-aways of him soothing are only 5 seconds.  Yeah, I can console Tanner for 5 seconds; it's the stuff that starts at the 6th second that's impossible.  And believe me, we've tried it all.  Jason was close to putting him in the car and driving around the block for 2 hours the other night.  I've even resorted to singing.  Hmmmmm...maybe that's why he cries in the first place.

90 Diapers & 85 Bottles. Just another week at the Warnes

Well, it's been 1 week, 90 diapers and about 85 bottles since Jason went back to work and I officially became a stay at home mom.  And I survived.  And so did Tanner.  We're both learning how to get along and doing pretty well.  I only threatened him a handful of times with, "I'm gonna stuff you right back where you came from."  I didn't follow through only because he's gained 1-2 pounds and it was hard enough at 6 lbs. 11 oz., I can finally see my toes,  and I'm so over my maternity jeans.  

Now that we're BFF's, I've started learning little things about my son - like when a little whimper is about to turn into an ear piercing shriek, the best time to see him giggle, when he's about to ruin his diaper, a fart grunt vs. a hungry grunt,  and when he needs some Mommy kisses stat. Here's a little glimpse into our somewhat typical day starting from the wee hours:

8:30 am - Jason leaves for work and leaves me a pot of coffee

9am - feeding and getting dressed

9-12pm - on and off napping with the occasional crying and toy playing, trying to clean up around the house and check email

12pm - feeding 

1pm - my feeding

1:30pm - shower with Tanner in the bathroom

2:30 - feeding

3pm - out the door for the day (walk to Golden Gate Bridge, North Beach or meet up with a friend)

5:30pm - feeding and Jason comes home from work (just in time for a diaper change)

5:30-7:30pm - playing, napping, occassional crying, trying to make dinner

7:30pm - my and Jason's dinner

8:o0pm - feeding

8:30pm - time for Tanner to go to bed

9:30pm - time for Jason and I to go to bed

10pm - feeding

12am - feeding again (Jason's shift)

3am - feeding again (my shift)

6am - feeding again (Jason's shift)

And do it all over again the next day.

We've also been introducing Tanner to "a day in the (weekend) life of the Warnes."  We've been indulging in beers at the local cafe (see below), eating lots of meat (Jason) at friend's BBQ's in San Rafael, running errands around Russian Hill and Babies-R-Us, walking around Golden Gate Park, and doing Netflix marathons on Friday nights (till our bedtime at 9:30pm).

Check out the 80's tail

Tannerisms

So we're 18 days into it and already have close to 20 nicknames for Tanner based on his "Tannerisms."  Here are some of the little daily things that we've come to know and love (well, not all):

• Grunnnnnnnting from gas - day and night, awake and sleeping and in the Safeway line
  
• Pursing his lips and pushing away the bottle when he's had enough
  
• Hand boxing after a bottle
  
• Pushing away Mommy's annoying long hair
  
• Smiling and giggling during first 5 minutes of sleeping
  
• Loving having his tushy rubbed
  
• Out like a light when the blowdryer turns on during changes
  
• Getting so "into" his bottle that he covers both his eyes with his hands during feedings
  
• Squeaking through the night
  
• In one end, and out the other almost instantaneously (while feeding)
  
• Peeing on Mommy 6x and Pooping on Mommy (through the diaper, through the clothes and onto my lap) 2x.  Note that he hasn't done this once on Jason
  
• Going cross eyed
  
• Pushing himself to the other end of the bassinet and out of his swaddle blanket
  
• Pirate eyes - one eye open, one closed
  
• Stinkiest poo ever
  
• Loves extreme off roading in the stroller
• Likes song, "Big Balls" by ACDC

2 Weeks old...

...and still has that "new baby smell", although his deuces smell like old yogurt.

On another note, he's become more of a night person, which means a little less sleep for Steph and me. 

Around 9pm (after him sleeping all day) we decide to put him down for the night, which means he wakes up as soon as you touch him...and by "wake up" I mean his eye lids actually snap open and don't re-close until around 2am. 

I take the first "shift" to let Steph sleep a bit (plus I'm going for Husband of the Year...so please vote for me). This is the worst shift because he just farts and wimpers the entire time...and let me remind you, his farts actually smell like old yogurt, which is weird, 'cause it's not what I've been feeding him. On the positive side, I've been watching a lot of late night cartoons and skate/surf videos (secretly, I've just been watching re-runs of the Golden Girls). Once the clock hits 2am, lil' Tanner Kai sleeps for about 3 to 3.5 hours before his next feeding and finally "waking up" the final time around 8am...which just means he sleeps for the next 10 hours.

Anyway, this is my last day of watching my son sleep all day and I go back to work. It's been an amazing 2 weeks with Steph and Tanner and I'm gonna miss hanging out with the 2 of them all day. But now that I'm the sugar daddy, I gotz to bring home some bacon for my peeps.

These are Tanner toes...not fingers.

So now that Tanner is up and over his "birth weight" (6lbs 13 oz) Steph and I have been taking him out on the town. Still maintaining his stoner lifestyle, he sleeps through these little day trips...which makes for easy posing.

First trip to the Golden Gate Bridge/Chrissy Field

Life with Tanner Kai

Well today was his second doctor's appointment in 4 days. He was a tad under weight (went from 6 lbs 11 oz to 6 lbs 3 oz) which is great if he was a wrestler...but like a wrestler, he needed to make weight (being at least 6 lbs 11 oz). In order to do this, Steph and I needed to feed him every 3 hours...even in the middle of the night. So 4 days went by and we went to the doctor and to our surprise (and the doctor) he was 6 lbs 13 oz. 

Mission accomplished!

Other than that excitement, life with Tanner is much like your stoner college roommate. Wake up, get something to drink, go to the bathroom, and then back to sleep. Yup, parenthood is life in the fast lane.

But in all seriousness, Steph and I couldn't be happier...we could be more rested, but still we're so stoked to have the newest part of our life here.

Now for what you all really want, pics of the lil' stoner.

Happy 1 Week Birthday