Introducing

Tanner Kai Warne

This just in...

Steph is 9cm dialated and ready to "push" in a half hour.

Let's play the waiting game

Ok all you lilwarne fans...

Steph's H2O broke at 3am today. We waited until until about 6:45am to call the doctor. We arrived at the hospital at 7:30am...and Steph is dialated 5cm and 100% affaced...what that means is that she's received her epideral and is cruisin until critter pops his head out.

What that means for me is that I get to do all the posts until this lil guy decides to show himself to the world. So leave some comments...I'm probably gonna be able to respond to them real time.

Let's play a game too...What time (PST) do you think Critter will be born today? Go ahead let the posting begin.

FYI

I went to the gym today :)

Thar She Blows

My cervix continues to amaze and impress Dr. Bason-Mitchell. She told me that I'm now 2 cm dilated, 80% effaced and not allowed to venture more than an hour away from the hospital. She also poked Critter in the head, saying "Poke, poke, poke." Don't think too hard about how she did it, because it's not the most pleasant thought, but the good news is that he's already engaged, sitting head down very low in my pelvis, which indicates that when I'm gonna "go," I will go. And fast. I've had a few Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the day, but nothing that makes Jason get out the stopwatch.

The countdown has started

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm ready. And the answer is, "I have no clue." Is anyone truly ready to have someone dependent on you for the next 18 years of his life? To know that every decision you make is not only about you anymore? To have to weigh the value of that indulgent massage vs. kiddie music class? I don't think I'm ready, nor will I ever be, but I know that when the time comes, I'll make the best decisions for me, Jason and Critter.

I'm also continually in awe of how wonderfully delightful complete strangers can be (except for ones in airports). Now, I do think they drug all Trader Joe's employees before their shifts because no one can really be that excited about their minimum wage check out job. But the other day, I had to enlist the help of a Trader Joe's shelf stocker to find canned artichokes. Unfortunately, they were out (which didn't stop her from looking up and down at least 10x in the same spot for 5 minutes). After apologizing profusely, she looked at me and goes, "Honey, how are you feeling?" The question caused me to pause. I have many friends and people that I come into contact with pretty frequently that don't even ask. I know she didn't really want to hear about my sciatica or crotch nerve pains when Critter moves his hands, but nevertheless, it was just so sweet, genuine and unexpected. And it made my day. Thank you Trader Joes shelf stocker lady.

Tick Tock

It's official. I'm neurotic. Jason will tell you that I've been this way since week 7, but I actually thought I held out as long as I could. Every pain, tingle and mystery body function sets me off like a 5 alarm fire. Is this labor? Is everything ok with Critter? God, I haven't finished setting up the nursery. Shoot, not all of the breast pump parts are sanitized and I have no clue how to deal with the Diaper Dekor. Am I ready to be a mom? Every time I call my OBGYN's office, I have to preface it with "this is neurotic Stephanie Warne. Sorry to bother you again, but......" I'm already gathering recipes for treats to give the staff. They've been so patient with me and reassuredly telling me that I'm normal, with a nervous laugh. Am I? No matter how many books I read, web sites I research on, mommy friends I call, and classes I take, I'm still a frenzied mom-to-be that is truly neurotic. I really hope Critter comes early so my self esteem isn't reduced to nothing.

Well, Jason's Dad, Grampy Eric was right. The last month is truly the hardest. I can't bitch too much because I've had it easy. Barely any morning sickness, a healthy baby, a healthy me and people (hopefully genuinely) telling me that I don't even look 6 months pregnant. Plus, Jason still thinks I'm sexy. Not really sure how though. At any rate, by 8pm, my body does an all out tirade against me. Sciatica, one of the most excruciating sharp pains I've felt - to date - is non stop and even changing positions in bed causes grimacing despite having 3 pillows propping up ever body part. I know this is nothing compared to labor, but at least there's epidurals for those pains. All I've got now is a very concerned husband who is up with me all night.

If anyone knows of a pregnancy god I can chant to or make sacrificial offerings, let me know.

If You're Dilated and You Know It.

If they gave out grades for a cervix, mine would get an A+. That's at least what Dr. Bason-Mitchell thinks - that and that I've secretly had another baby in El Salvador and didn't let her or Jason know about it. Normally I hate getting felt up at my Doctor appointments. I can't say this one was pleasant, but the outcome was good. I'm 1.5cm dilated and 75% effaced. What that means - HOLY SH*T. Jason and I just looked at each other when she shared the news. We are officially dropping a baby. Soon. What this does not mean - that if I stand up too fast, the baby will fall out. What this does mean - we're likely to have a relatively easy labor (knock on wood) and my cervix is acting like a second time mother's cervix. It turns out that my mom had me in 6.5 hours of labor and my brother in only 2.5. Hopefully her stretch marks aren't genetic but her luck is.

Bag is already packed.............

New Tricks

So Critter has a new trick (in addition to the hiccuping and kicking ones, which are getting kinda old). He's currently in the head down position, with his tushie facing out, by my rib cage. A lot of times, you can actually see the definition of his two butt cheeks. Last night, I couldn't sleep and was up with Critter doing his usual 3am kicks. Well, his tushie was up by my rib cage again, so I started rubbing it to see if he would respond. And that he did. He kept sticking it out further and further for some more lovin.' Good thing Jason was fast asleep, otherwise I would have had to do double tushie rubbing duty.

Ginormous

Well, it happened again. I popped. And I'm pooped. Jason came home from work on Monday telling me, "Wow! I think you got bigger from this morning." And then he quickly followed it with, "But you still look beautiful." Boy, that guy is becoming a master of words. I'm practically buying it. He was right. I did get bigger, which shouldn't be too surprising. We have only 5 more weeks left (my god, where did the time go???) and Critter's putting on a pound a week. Oh, and the pooped part. No, it's not my gas. It's my new habit of falling asleep by 10pm, getting 10+ hours of sleep a night and still feeling exhausted. That, and not being able to walk more than 20 minutes without stopping for air thanks to Critters feet pressing against my lungs.

This past weekend, we had our last birth prep class. Now that we're masters of the pain management techniques (especially Bad Dog), we tried our hand at Newborn Care. We learned infant CPR, what to do if Critter chokes, swaddling, baby bathing, sleep and calming techniques, breast feeding, and I even changed my first diaper. So what if it was on a doll, it still counts.

The swaddle aftermath

I have to say, it was a very long day (8 hours sitting inside on a beautiful Saturday w/only a few 5 minute pee breaks), but it was worth it. I learned a lot of good info. and that many women who are due after me are almost double my size. Yay me. It was also interesting that in the group of 35 couples, 70% were having boys. I think there's something in the water out here.

Love Letter

Dear Critter,

Despite our occasional freak outs and Daddy's fear of lack of sex, we are beyond excited to be your Mommy and Daddy and counting the days until we can meet you. You haven't even arrived and you are already bringing us such joy. Every little hiccup and kick (not the hard ones) are causes for celebration. We've already spent many hours in your nursery, imagining what it's going to be like when we becomes three. Or how we're ever going to leave your side as you drift into dreamland. You came into our lives (just a little flickering heartbeat on a screen) at a time when we needed it most, and envision many more times to come where our love for you will overcome anything.

We know that you'll be the most beautiful and charismatic little boy who will love to surf (like Daddy) but be clumsy (like Mommy). Not the best combination, but we promise to support you in any desire or dream you wish. We're sorry that you won't have an upper lip, but promise you that there are others out there just like you. (Just look at Mommy and Daddy. They found each other). Hopefully you'll be as artistic as Daddy and as clean as Mommy. Maybe you'll even be so clean that you can help Daddy clean up his piles or tackle his To-Do lists from Mommy. Without question, you'll pine for a pet, but will be allergic. We promise to buy you as many stuffed animals as your heart desires and take you to the zoo as much as you want. Even if we've memorized every elephant and monkey's eating and sleeping patterns through weekly visits. If you want to try out an instrument or sports, that's okay too. You may be working against nature, but we'll be there to nurture through every game and recital.

No matter who you are or will become, we promise you that we will undoubtedly love every inch of you. All you have to do is promise to let us kiss and cuddle you forever - or at least until it's "not cool" anymore.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Jason Begins to Mentally Prepare

Top 10 things my buddies warn me (Jason) about having a kid:


10. Kiss sleeping goodbye

9. Kiss sex goodbye

8. The only chance yer gonna have a threesome now is if Steph is breastfeeding at the same time. But remember #9.

7. You're getting a 22 inch roomate that thinks he owns the apartment...and he does.

6. Just because Steph is producing milk doesn't mean you can ask for a squirt in your coffee.

5. Subscribe to Playboy (See #9).

4. They shit at will....or is it, they will shit?

3. Forget about having anything else to talk about.

2. Eat. Shit. Sleep (for an hour). Repeat.

1. Sleeping becomes more enjoyable than sex.

Lucky Duck Part II

The spoiling continues. Last weekend, my girlfriends Nikki, Rachael, Christie and Lysee threw Critter a shower in SF. The theme was penis and Jewish-isms. Critter got onesies that said, "My mom's in a 12-schelp program" and "I drive the ladies Meshugana." (Meshugana = crazy in Yiddish). For the penis, we got a well endowed stripper. Just kidding. It was a penis cake, but a well endowed one. (See below). The day was beautiful and so special. The girls really thought about everything - from tons of pasteurized cheese goodies to orange galore (like Critter's room) to my favorite non-alcoholic beer. It was also the first time all my groups of girlfriends were together, which I've never been able to do (thanks to a Thanksgiving time birthday).

All I can say is that I'm very happy to not be having a girl.

While Critter and I were getting spoiled, Jason was doing baby work. (Do you see a re-occurring shower theme here?) He put together the crib and started painting the wall mural. No pics yet; you'll have to wait till it's complete in a few weeks. Also while we were getting spoiled, our good friends Heather and Mark were too - with their first baby, Jack Aaron Ruder. I saw the family of three yesterday at CPMC, and all are beautiful. (Yes, Heather, even with the ponytail and no makeup).

On the Critter front, the latest development is hiccups. About 20 minutes ago, I felt a slight bump sensation to the left of my belly button. Then I felt it again. And again. And again. It kept coming every 4 seconds for about 5 minutes. At first I thought that Critter may have inherited my sense of rhythm, but then I realized that he's Jason's kid too. So it must be hiccups. BabyCenter.com says it's a great sign that the baby's lungs are developing, though I still don't get how it happens if they're surrounded by only amniotic fluid (w/oxygen).

Bad Dog

I'm going to spare you the details of our birthing classes this week. Trust me, you'll thank me. I do have to say that it was informative in many ways. We learned a lot of pain management techniques, potential childbirth issues, stages of labor and that Jason and I are the coolest parents around. Talk about a lot of squares. I bet they won't be watching Sponge Bob Square Pants with their kids. They'll have them reciting stock tickers by the age of 2. As always, Jason was the class clown.

On our first day, we were asked to write down our top birthing concerns on an index card. Each table of 6 got a card and most of the squares wrote things like, "I'm concerned about the pain." "What happens if the umbilical cord wraps around the baby's neck." All valid. But so was my concern, "Pooping during labor." Of course, Jason is selected by the instructor to read our table's concerns. He stands up, and announces in front of 60 people, "My wife is afraid of shitting herself." I was mortified. But payback's a bitch.

Later that evening, our instructor was going through the nine pain management techniques, and asked for Husband participation. I immediately knew this was my chance for revenge, and I practically pushed Jason's hand up. Again, of course, Jason was selected. But he wasn't selected to demonstrate the Rocking Chair Technique or the Slow Dance or the Kneeling on the Bed. The instructor gave him this one:

Bad Dog

Here's how the demonstration went:

Jason gets up at the front of the room on a podium and gets on all fours, just like the picture.

Instructor: Now we are going to demonstrate the next technique. Jason, do you know what this is called?
Jason: Doggystyle?
Instructor: No, it's called Bad Dog. Do you have a dog?
Jason: No, but I'm familiar with the position.

No one would ever believe this, so I had to get this on video (from my phone), unbeknown to Jason. Unfortunately I couldn't get the actual conversation, but it's still priceless.

Shasta, Baby!

Just to add to the non-stop vacation action, Jason and I spent the 4th weekend houseboating on Lake Shasta with 40 peeps. Our boat slept 14 and was called the Wet Dreamers. Jason was assigned Captain and I was his first mate (in more ways than one). Despite not being able to enjoy our boats 396 beers or 6 handles of liquor, it was a great time. We ate, lounged on floaties, danced on the rooftop and met some really great new people. Critter had a great time too, amazing people with his amazing feats of strength, contorting my bikini clad belly into interesting shapes. He was a hit. We were initially a bit nervous about the sleeping situation, but there's nothing a Snoogle and some earplugs couldn't fix. And luckily, we scored the biggest bed on the boat - a rock hard queen.

This week, we start our birthing classes, which should be interesting to say the least. I'm deathly afraid that after I see the childbirth video that I'll spend all night trying to coax Critter to stay inside my uterus forever. While I'm doing that, Jason will be trying to figure out how to want to have sex with me post-baby. People say childbirth is a beautiful miracle, but I'm currently convinced that it's just a way to officially end a couple's sex life and to increase sales of Depends.

On the Critter front, he's a kicking and moving mad man, making Daddy tell him nightly, "Stop hurting, Mommy." He's got all his hair, around 17 inches long and close to 4 lbs. He's going to put on 1/3 to 1/2 of his birth weight in the next few weeks. The belly button isn't fully out (only flesh with my tummy) and I'm not waddling - YET.

P.S. Don't forget to vote in the latest poll to the left: "When will Critter Arrive?"

Belly Pic to come..........

Lucky Duck

Critter's a lucky duck. He's not even out-of-the-womb, and he's already so loved and spoiled rotten. Am I surprised? Not in the least. After our Caribbean retreat, I headed up to Connecticut to a baby shower thrown by Grammy Sandy and Grammy Krissy. In typical style, it was an event to remember. They outdid themselves. Everything was just perfect - from the Chinese food from Panda Palace (who also catered my high school graduation), to the beautiful ducky decorations and the thoughtful poem. The best part is that I was surrounded by friends and family, mostly people that I hadn't seen in a year or more.

A giant thank you to my and Jason's parents. The shower was perfect, and if Jason and I do half as good of a job as you did raising us, we'll be lucky too.

Me, Grammy Sandy and Grammy Kris

Me, Great Grandma Freda and Great Grandma Sarah


The Warne Family


Me and 4 of my bridesmaids: Winnie, Bonnie and Jessica


My friend Jamie, who's due in mid-August. Jamie's the daughter of my parent's oldest and dearest friends Janet and Larry, who were at my parent's wedding. (Larry was my Dad's college roommate and groomsman. Janet's my surrogate West Coast mom.)